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Monday, December 1, 2014

Our Singleness

There are not many of you
Just one in fact
If you look hard enough
It will tip your world
To think that one can only be
Without you or exuberantly with you
I saw and went
Now knowing no other one
The you in your absoluteness
How awful is that without
Gone and spent spinning
Raw and of want for you
For something of you
In a space too large and separated
To be left in that without
Too far across for words
To be apart with the thought
Of only you exclusively
Too weathered is the world
To grow in separateness
Knowing there is only you

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Where I Go to Die

Where I go you may not be able to follow
Beneath what makes a man only hollow
I will take in a breath and break within my thoughts
Only here does a path of chaos end
Then laid by light layers of beauty draw no crowd
As sky pours upon us through tangled cloud

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Silencing of Grim Demands (The One Where You Cut a Dead Man’s Face Off)


He lies still and his breathing dries,
Up into the air, cries and despair.
You forget what you are doing,
Where you are, what you did.
Your heart thumping, stops.
He parts, it drops.

His head in your hands,
You cover his ears,
Hide the truth
And fears of lost youth,
Silence grim demands.

Your breathing is frantic.
You’re struggling to stand,
So you kneel over where he lay,
Back and forth, you sway,
Holding your head as if the weight
Could turn the earth the other way.

Cold tears in the night air,
You take the weight home and into a chair
Of dizziness and blindness,
You sleep and you stare.

Like an animal hit by a car,
Helpless, amazed, wide eyes dazed,
Bleeding, as thoughts race into the distance,
Hiding as death is ushered in.

Waking up to the sun bringing noise
And noise taking peace,
Your mind contorted by the careless crease.
He lies still on the kitchen table.
You closer stand, inspecting a hand.
The fainting of the eyelids and tips of finger
Could not in the least bit, love, deter.

Turning from, spurning what fashes
Of such a beauty, foreign as ashes.
Wave-spirits ride through your shirtless side,
As cold as the night Skadi's[1] father died.

You open and close the cupboard doors,
Searching in darkness for yeast's loyal bride.
A jar of white flour and dampened cloth,
Fully to oust phantom Goths creeping in,
Upon his skin seeps discoloration.

Flour shrooms into the air
And helpless, stands,
As you cover with care
The eyelids and hands,
Silencing grim demands.

The little life that rose with flour
Fades and sours the reason that grows,
And now in prim rows, like tears ‘cross the nose,
You wash off the face.
Get a knife with reluctance.
He lies so peaceably,
Filled with expectancy.

Wiping your eyes, feeling your face
Cold as the knife and spirits which hover.
Writhing with strife and dryness all over,
You almost prefer bladeing yourself to relieve
A thought you conceived,
Then darkly weaved.
As logic leaves,
Fascination grieves.

Atop the table, then carefully straddle
As if he were the Serpent himself
And waking what lie, bound you to Hell.
Darkness befell face against face.
Now those lovely eyes
Are behind a disguise.

You look and look the wane’ed face,
Then place the blade on the temple,
Press, and simple, drag it ‘round
Under the chin to the other side again –
And then a softer shade.
The blood follows the blade.

The trail leaves you weak.
Death was sheik and hid behind jail –
A bloodless, pale lore.
Now a few times more
Around before
You've unhinged the door,
Pealing back the skin,
Looking from within.

The eyes are red and restless, bare.
You turn off the light, staring in fright
As the bestial creature glares past present sight
And future existence, leaving reason and oblation
To instance oblivion's indignation.

In a gasp, horror falls through you,
Beyond the darkest cells of dementia.
The body rises with screams from inside.
Voices clash and deepen, hide.
Laughter sent higher, into the head,
Moans as a wench is monstrously wed.

The eyes, the eyes ever-open, alive
With fiery scorn for the steady knife.
You watch as he coils, withholding aggression,
Thrashes loose in anguish of possession.

You hesitate, are caught by the sleeve,
Wrenching away in a horrifying heave.
The eyes frying, holding you in,
You lunge back, violently tearing at the skin.
He catches fire and darkness thins.

You fall to your knees and helpless, freeze.
Lines drawn across your chest with ease,
A cold-blooded claw reaches into your guts
And up toward the heart, under ribs it cuts.
You shiver like it all has stopped
Or soul has dropped into darkness.




[1] Skadi is the anglicized version of SkaĆ°i, a Norse goddess who is believed to have brought the wrath of winter as a result of her father’s death.

Monday, August 25, 2014

The Droilage like Mintruit Flay

Let the frost lay upon the droilage like mintruit flay.
Go trick finthen candle with notley fair play.
Then mine out bintenderline over then say,
Sixteen red huggintry sick as a mintruit tree
Light as tendenrable malice lice flay.

I haven’t yet colorent gloriouslessly droil
Mixed up all tellers wisk bouldering oil,
So lay mine to tricker tree, minding the soil.
I’ll crusholtry topper call with my epply and all,
Tossing gin backwards then thraking the droil.

Crops squeaking hazel threads clouds to cloud joy.
The men grow the women and by poultry toy.
Vegal loss holomoss bandoning boy,
My summering teening thing, go hit a slum ball.
I’ll stall the nature all trigger tree joy.

People tell me to try flaying the suitable earth,
Place sixteen burrow peth straight to the firth,
And make no mistake over thinking your birth.
Her, over ladle twist, mixing what made me a boy.
I, just the mind enough, thift paying earth.

Prost poster shadow most higgendy pride.
Alive but not haunted from thought to thick stride,
Cricketted arm-phone-sent starberry side.
Can’t handle candle late, can’t flay the mantellerth.
Musterplug droil dry Daddy’s old pride?

I sink between audience flow-tinder nest soul.
It’s face after face of light clomb cootle coal
With protacted total as tall as the toll.
Done went crimbenzen sky, bolden strut mute.
Carry mine hinder thread, hazel-black soul. 

Monday, June 30, 2014

Old-man Hands

My life is in my hands. They are thin and clean. 
They are hairy and worn. I have old-man hands.
They are veiny and they shake uncontrollably. 
They like to draw people and write letters. 
They like delicate things and putting things in order. 
They have to hide from the cold, in pockets or between my legs.
They don't have what it takes to hit someone.
They have each other to hold. 
Sometimes they get confused and don't know
What to do when they should.

Letter to a Nun


Sister,

I realize that you spoke for the devil last night. I could not sleep for some reason, so I thought about the things you had said to me in the end. Maybe I could not sleep because I thought of those awful things. You say that people change, that their faces slide right before your eyes and the room begins to change and transport you into those nightmares where they touch you. I have gone from your life, but my face never turned from you.

I looked into your life, and you cursed me, spitting as you poisoned me with those vicious words. You may have once praised the darkness of this life with those lips...those chapped, trembling, and frowning lips. Those same lips that begged me to compromise my goodness for pleasure, spoke death into the life of an unborn child...your child. You spoke for the devil. Now you say you hate Jesus. You have no problem saying that you 'fucking hate Jesus' and that I made you hate him. The devil would say anything to survive. You only want to flourish. You don't want to rebuild or recognize your life as a rotten mess. I could not sleep, thinking how obviously involved the devil had been.

He grabbed my legs one night in a dream. I was sleeping next to you. I dreamed that a dark shadow rose from the side of your bed and took hold of my legs. I was being pulled off, into the darkness. I reached out for you and told you I loved you. You told me I was melting like a snowball in the fire. Why did you say that? Was it the devil in your voice or his voice in my head?

Sincerely,

Redding 

From the Neighbor to Someone

Somehow I would rather put up my mitts and fight you, not to hurt you, but to see how far you would go swinging playfully at my face, than let you see me naked. Somehow I love you most when you look at me with those mischievous eyes and lie to my face, than when you are playing with my hair and humming gently into my ear. I think that if our eyes never met, I would not consider you more than a servant...a long lost friend, maybe.

If you meet me tonight, just as I have asked, expect that I will have already forgotten these words I am writing. You will have to come forward and tell me your name. You should look deeply into my eyes and tell me that I have sent for you again. It is not out of pity or boredom that I call on you like this. I have been waiting. I have been planning my escape. It is in my desperation that I love you this way...our way. I am not sure you understand what it is to look into your eyes.

I lost myself to your looks. How ironic, no?

Losing to you,

Mary

Thursday, April 17, 2014

On Beethoven Listening to Cannon Fire



Is it so hard to believe that pain will come when you least expect it?

We often subject ourselves to sadness or inexorable, unrequited passion, even to the darkest of thoughts. It is in this curious way that we prepare ourselves for supreme tragedy, loss, and uncomfortable bliss - all of which need to be felt and then grown out of before we should consider our words more than child's blather.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Old Man Is Crying

The old man is crying.
It’s only a little, but still
It makes me wonder if he should.
Why tell him not to?
He’s from a slower time
Where roadkill and sad news lingers.
You could not fast-forward or rewind then.
He sees a sad and wonder-filled world now.
Let him cry.
People have to yell at him.
They have to yell to reach him.
1925, that’s where he’s from.
He remembers when there was always a deeper hurt.
His first love leaves with another.
His virginity, gone with another.
His wife, gone with another.
His children, gone with another.
Eventually, he tells me,
You stop getting so hurt.
You just remember the hurt you felt.
And that’s why he cries.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Curious Few

A beautiful sky
Dynamically blue
Fills with wonder
The curious few
Glad to ponder
A minute or two
How far they would fly
In so happy a hue